I filled out my census data recently and I am more than a little disturbed. In fact the more I think about it, the more confused I have become. Article 2 of the constitution states:

[An] Enumeration shall be made within three Years after the first Meeting of the Congress of the United States, and within every subsequent Term of ten Years, in such Manner as they shall by Law direct.

So the idea is to get a count of the people. This makes sense to me for a lot of reasons. If the idea is to get a count of the people, then why ask race, ethnicity or whether or not you have a mortgage? I can only assume this is for an understanding of the services provided. In truth, citizenship status has a larger effect on government services than race or ethnicity should, and hopefully more than your homeownership status.

So originally it was important to note the color and state of freedom(ie slave or indentured servant) in order to determine how you are represented in Congress. Thanks to the 14th ammendment, it doesn't matter any more. It has never legally mattered what ethnicity you are. So why are they asking?

They are also not allowed to discriminate based on homeownership. The law states that you can vote whether or not you own land. Does it matter if I own that land outright? It shouldn't.

The one thing that does matter, and is suprisingly absent, is citizenship status. The Census's main purpose is to determine representation in Congress. So if we are determining representation based on a census that doesn't differentiate between citizens and not, doesn't this mean that states with a high number of people that aren't citizens will get a greater representation in Congress even though those they are representing is lower than stated?

I give, for your entertainment, a dicussion with my "Aunt Martha".  Yes, this conversation really happened today on facebook chat. I have added notes in bold.

1:50pmMartha
hey

1:51pmNathan
hello

1:51pmMartha
are you there?

1:51pmNathan
I am

Well I am here but if you mean am I on chat, yes I am

1:51pmMartha
how are you?

1:51pmNathan
Doing well and you?

1:52pmMartha
i am not fine

1:52pmNathan
Uh oh. What is up?

1:54pmMartha
i am stuck in London

i am stuck in London

1:54pmNathan
Really. What are you doing there?

1:55pmMartha
i was on a short vacation

1:55pmNathan
Are you alone? What can I do to help?

1:55pmMartha
i was mugged at gun point last night

all my cash,cell phone and including cards were stolen off me

i need your help at the moment

are you there?

1:57pmNathan
yeah

 I call Martha. She doesn't answer, the story seems to fit. Let's see what they know.

1:58pmMartha
my flight leaves in few hours from now

1:58pmNathan
okay

2:00pmMartha
i am wondering if you can lend me some cash to get back home,i'll definitely refund it back when i get home

2:00pmNathan
okay which airport?

2:01pmMartha
are you there?

2:01pmNathan
which airport?

2:02pmMartha
i wan t to go by british airplane

2:03pmNathan
That shouldn't be hard since you are in London.

2:04pmMartha
in London city

 For those of you who haven't been London City is a small airport, and as far as I know there aren't many international flights to the US. I call Mom and ask where Martha is, she is in Hawaii.

2:05pmMartha
are you there?

2:06pmMartha
hey

2:09pmMartha
can you talk to me at the moment

2:10pmNathan
yeah

2:10pmMartha
can you talk to me at the moment

2:15pmNathan
hey keep losing you

2:16pmMartha
I'm here

can you please help me at the moment

2:17pmNathan
yeah

2:19pmNathan
wassup?

2:20pmMartha
you can get the money wired on my name and present location

2:20pmNathan
sure

how much

2:21pmMartha
1450

2:21pmNathan
Euros or Dollars?

2:21pmMartha
$

2:22pmNathan
Should we call Jim?

Sorry Jim, you seemed like a good choice here.

2:22pmMartha
can you help me or not

2:23pmNathan
Should I call Jim for you?

2:23pmMartha
no

because i 've called him

This is news to Jim.

2:24pmNathan
oh okay

Is he still in Nevada?

2:24pmMartha
yes. can you help me,'m freaked out

I would be too if the first person I called was my brother in law and not my husband, and what the heck is he doing in Nevada anyway.

2:25pmNathan
I bet. I am getting the money together now.

2:25pmMartha
ok

I'm waiting

should i send you the info.

2:26pmNathan
yeah

2:26pmMartha
name: Martha Collity

2:27pmNathan
no shit

Sorry couldn't keep my composure on that one

2:27pmMartha
Location: 28 Kentish Town Road London NW5 2TJ United Kingdom

did you get it

2:27pmNathan
Yeah

2:28pmMartha
how long will it take

2:28pmNathan
Well I have to go to the Western Union

2:29pmMartha
ok

I'm waiting

2:36pmMartha
are you there?

2:36pmNathan
yeah

2:37pmMartha
are you back

give me the info

waiting.......

are you done

2:39pmNathan
yeah. it will take a few hours.

2:40pmMartha
seriuos

 Martha calls me back. She is not in fact on facebook right now. She is in Maui and it about to take a nap. (I think it is related to the Maui Tai's)

 I called the London Metro Police and they wouldn't help, they told me that she needed to file it in Hawaii. I said yeah but I was thinking I could get them to walk right up to you. She said, "Well love I am in a Police Station so I am not sure they would do that."(gotta love the English wit.). Well since there is nothing I can do about this it is time to have some fun.

2:40pmNathan
I am super serious.

After all you did for me in the IRA, I can at least send you $2000

2:41pmMartha
ok

2:41pmNathan
Do you need a sidearm?

2:42pmMartha
how

2:42pmNathan
the normal way.

Lemme see where the nearest safehouse is

2:44pmMartha
??

??

2:45pmNathan
this isn't easy. The Scottland Yard got most of them.

Hold on

and keep it cool

2:48pmMartha is offline.
2:48pmMartha is online.
2:48pmMartha
i'll give you my email to forward the western details

this is it marthacollity@ymail.com

this is it marthacollity@ymail.com

are you there?

2:49pmNathan
yeah

will do

2:49pmMartha
ok

did you get my name

2:50pmNathan
I did

2:50pmMartha
I' m looking forward from you

2:52pmMartha
ok

2:53pmNathan
Okay I am sending a team with the cash. Meet at Elephant and Castle in an hour.

Bing.com maps tells me this is a nice place on the far side of London.

2:54pmMartha
ok

i've to go just forwardthe western union details to my mail i sent to you

2:56pmNathan
The western union will have the cash in a few hours. Just head on in and they will give it to you.

For now, meet the cleaners at Elephant and Castle and they will find this guy who got you.

2:57pmMartha
i'll be expectant

i'm in a public library

i've to go

2:58pmNathan
I know, but go to Elephant and Castle to get the hit squad

2:58pmMartha
bye for now

2:58pmNathan
ok

2:59pmMartha
bye for now

3:02pmMartha is offline.

 Just a little reminder, change your facebook password!

A long long time ago, in a website far far away, I am reminded of a post by my friend, HankLynch. It was a whole website of some guy who hates you with a polish last name. You send in pictures of your buddies and he would tell all of thereasons he hated them. It was great, and Hank's review rang true. This is long before, ThePeopleOfWalmart, MulletJunky  and hundreds of others that followed suit but of course far less specific. This even predates Hot Or Not, where you also send pictures of your friends.

So today a friend of mine posts on facebook that some guy with a polish last name is great. Somewhere deep in the cobwebs of my mind, the wheels start turning. I remember hank saying "some guy"ski is great. I don't remember the guy's name which is of course the key to finding the website. Enter Bing.com. I type "ski hates you" and there it is.

I now give you classic internet.

 Cliff Yablonski Hates You!